Vocabulary Vixen

August 13, 2008

What a year it has been!!

Filed under: Reflections — VocabularyV @ 12:22 AM
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And we’re not yet through!

 

2008 has been a rough year for the world.  In my own personal trials and struggles, I’ve dealt with several deaths immediately pertaining to me and with many, many people around me.  It’s been an unforutnate circumstance.  I think that the world is just fed up with itself and its state of affairs.  From absolutely crazy weather (an earthquake in the Midwest, USA?!) to a crashing economy (in the US) to countries getting invaded (by countries other than the US…), it’s been quite the year.  Several beloved celebrities have left us, all of whom will be missed dearly.

In my own zone and realm of existence since my last post in January, I have gotten married, been diagnosed with AD/HD, and been through some of the funkiest mood fluctuations to date.  Aside from the general feeling of a low, chaotic roar, things are doing okay for the moment.  These surely are trying times, but I attempt very adamantly to follow in my late Granny’s footsteps by always looking on the positive side of things and trying to keep in good spirits.  It can be one of the toughest challenges met in the world, but that underlying thought is at least there.

Ah, yes.  One of the aforementioned personal tragedies.  I lost my beloved grandmother on March 25, 2008.  She had been in the hospital for a week with a bladder infection, and ultimately could fight it no more.  She had been paraplegic since the age of 35 and wheelchair bound as a result.  All she had was a cyst on her spine that the oh-so-bright military docs of the 1950s could not fix.  I doubt that any doctor could have fixed that at that point, but these same bright doctors over-oxygenated my uncle (her son) as a baby and he has since suffered mental retardation his entire life.  To add insult to injury, he also suffers from Huntington’s Disease and lives in a wheelchair.  He cannot bathe, feed, or clothe himself.  There is a faint perpensity for cognition, as when his siblings sat him down to tell him that their mom had died, there was no doubt whatseover that he understood.  He turned away and would not look at any of them the rest of the night.  I do wonder what is left after all the years of the disease and before that, what had been there to begin with.  I have never fully explored his pathology, and I know what I know based on what little I’ve heard and seen.  I am on a tangent.  Back to the original issue.  I lost my granny in March.  I had not seen her for several years, and that guilt has been gnawing at me.  I think about her every day, as I did before her unfortunate passing.  I never took the time to write her a letter, though she could have barely read it, being 90% blind.  I never took the time to call her, though she could barely hear me, being 90% deaf.  I hope that her spirit is free from her painful, limited, and broken body.  There is a point that even the happiest optimist has to throw in the towel.  I believe that this was the point for Granny.  She’d faced mountains of adversity and done so for many, many years with a kindhearted smile.  She’d spit in the face of adversity and done so with a smile.  She lived a long and happy life, despite everything that had been thrown her way.  I admire this, and I even aspire to this sort of optimism.  I am happy to have both of my feet, my legs, and an almost fully functioning body.  The only bits of my body that do not function so well at times are my brain, with its varied and extensive pathologies, and asthma.  Other than that, everything works!  That is truly something to be thankful for.  Even if everything didn’t work, it could work to my benefit to be thankful for the things that *do* still work, and accepting of the things that don’t.  I think that that is what Granny did, and again, I sincerely admire her for it.

It is easy to lose perspective at times.  When we are surrounded by our daily anxieities and swirling clouds of chaos, when our mere existence can be blown away at a moment’s notice as we are hanging on by the thinnest spider’s thread.  There is a lot to deal with.  There are a lot of hurtful things in the world.  There is a lot of chaos.  It is time, sometimes, to sit down and be thankful for what isn’t hurtful and what isn’t chaotic.  It’s easier said than done, I know.  I know from my personal experiences with these hellish mental disorders that it’s easier said than done.  So when the mood does strike me, as it is now, I am thankful for everything good in the world.  I am thankful for the unconditional, unquestioning love that my cats and my husband give me.  I am thankful also for the unconditional, unquestioning love that comes from my parents and family.  I am even thankful for the experiences that I have had that have led me up to this point.

So what are you thankful for?  Is there something or somebody in particular that has helped you out in your own experiences that have led you to this point?  Would you like something to be thankful for?  Can you create something to be thankful for?

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