Vocabulary Vixen

June 26, 2009

A side of comedy

Filed under: Health and Well-Being — VocabularyV @ 12:19 PM
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Here I am, still writing. I had to take a day off because my ISP canned our internet because they had not received the payment in the mail. It would have been A LOT EASIER had their internet payment page been WORKING! But, it wasn’t. I, being the conscientious bill payer I am <snortgiggle>, decided that I would instead mail it so that way I didn’t forget about it. Seems reasonable. Why should I want our internet cut, even if temporarily? I *CAN* quit the internet at ANY TIME I want, I just don’t want to at this moment in time.

So… enter Wednesday night. I dropped my dear husband off at work, went to do some cleaning and dusting at the coffee shop (I am a supervisor now!! …of inantimate objects…) I came home a couple of hours later and TRAGEDY! THE WORLD STOPPED TURNING AND TIME STOOD STILL!! No, not really. Not for the rest of your internet-bill-paying folk. So, I called the ISP. After all, I had mailed the bill off last Saturday and it seemed perfectly reasonable for them to bring my damn internet back so I could get back to doing nothing productive on it. I called them, and since they had not yet received the payment, they had cut my service. I was peeved. It was sort of one of those “last straw” type of deals, where I’d been having a hard day and that was it! No more Ms. Nice Guy Gal. I let ’em have it. I ranted on the phone for 45 minutes about their useless website, and how they would HAVE the payment had their website NOT gone down last SATURDAY before I left town when I was initially intending on paying. Okay, not really. The conversation was reasonably pleasant. I was peeved, but I made my point, and moved on.

…The world continued to turn. People went about their daily lives, and I decided that I would read a book instead of doing anything computer related. I finished Things I learned about my Dad” a collection of heartfelt essays edited by Heather B. Armstrong, the lovely, intelligent, and gifted mastermind behind the most popular blog on the internet: Dooce.com

No, I’m not getting paid by anybody to promote this woman. What I appreciate about her writing and her blogging is that she’s honest. She’s been honest from the start, and I think that a lot of us little guys down here can definitely relate to her day-to-day activities

And oh, how I love ADD. One moment, I can be perfectly happy on one train of thought, and then SHOOM! It’s out the window and a new train of thought is entering my head. It actually turns into quite the train wreck most days, but WHEN I REMEMBER my medication, things go a lot better. I can function. I don’t have to spend ten minutes looking for my shirt, keys, and hair brush before I leave. I just spend five instead, but five minutes well spent on being relaxed and “in gear”. The key, though, is because I’m so forgetful, is making a point of taking the damn meds. It’s a struggle a lot of days, but when I do take them, I am that much more thankful that I am a fully functioning human being. All engines are firing, everything is Go For Launch, and I’m not in a constant state of brain-puttering. I can go from senile young ‘un to super-genius capacity in a matter of 20 minutes, and it is Wonderful. I had actually worried for a long time whether or not I was indeed losing it, or if I was experiencing very early-onset Huntington’s Disease. Nope. Just ADD. I just happen to have three things working against me in diagnosis: #1, I’m female. Females are notorious for being under diagnosed. #2, I’m pretty freakin’ sharp. I still managed to pull a B average in high school AND earn a college degree without really ever finding out about the ADD. #3… what was that again? Oh yeah. I was not, and am not, hyperactive by nature. There are many different layers in a diagnosis for AD/HD, as there are many different layers for diagnosis for many other disorders out there. I had always assumed that I wasn’t hyperactive and I was able to focus on things (that I enjoy immensely) that I didn’t have this weird “ADD” thing that was being thrown around as the diagnosis du-jour for the decade.

Once I got to college, everything fell apart. The only reason why I got through college was a lot of elbow grease, sheer, hellbound determination to FINISH, a little bit of wit, and some very kind teachers. They saw I was bright and I did enough work to eek through with a B/C average. But, I always fell into that pattern. That pattern of “Things are Interesting, so I’m gonna work REALLY hard to do REALLY well… And then things aren’t so interesting… So I’m not going to study/do my projects until the deadline is RIGHT HERE, and then I’m going to race like hell to finish and turn in something that I”m overall not satisfied with.” Such as the story of my life. I still struggle with this, but there’s a name for it now, at least. I forget sometimes and get really frustrated with myself and the world. I then have to calmly remind myself that THIS is ADD in Action. And that the “symptom management” part is something that I’m working on, slowly but surely.

Of course, I write this as I’ve got a large project to work on that needs to be finished and I can’t seem to get my brain to motivate itself to finish. I’m bored with it. It’s a grueling process, and I’m annoyed that A.) It’s taken this long to do. And B.) It’s not finished. This is also part of the ADD, and I’ve GOT to just buckle down and DO IT, but that, of course, is akin to MOVING A FUCKING MOUNTAIN right now. Just like putting my fucking socks away. Or doing my dishes. It doesn’t take a lot of time or effort, I know this. I also know that once I do it, I’ll be relieved. It’s just the GETTING THERE is the REALLY daunting part. I’ll eventually do it. I hope I can nail myself down today and do it, but I’ll put that in the Can ‘O Hope that I’ve got for WAKING UP FIVE MINUTES earlier every morning and going to work ON TIME… Even though I see the blatant hypocrisy with the other supervisors that are consistently and continually late. I think that they have it pretty FREAKIN’ good if that’s my ONLY issue. I’m TWO minutes late every morning. The store isn’t even open yet, and guess what?! The store still opens on time every morning. Everything is there. I know what I’m doing, and I’m quick about it, even when my neurons are firing through cold molasses. I have to quell that overpowering voice that says to me every morning: “Just five more minutes…” That little voice is killing me. It’s killing all chances that I have of ever getting that promotion. I don’t have the will to quell it that early in the morning. It’s pretty powerful. Maybe I’ll kick it in the nuts tomorrow…

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