Vocabulary Vixen

June 29, 2009

Cleaning House

Filed under: Health and Well-Being — VocabularyV @ 1:38 PM

This is where things indeed get tricky.

I have spent an enormous amount of time and effort trying out various “diets” and “exercise programs” all in the name of Crash and Burn later. I start any new idea or creative impulse out the same way: REALLY well. Too well. AndthenIfallofflaterwhenI’mbored. But, I do recognize the need for a decent diet and exercise, it’s just difficult in my extremely chaotic life. …This said as I just finished a DELICIOUS home-made spinach salad, topped off with a large helping of cookies. Damn it. I need to keep the fucking sugar out of my house. Or “my” sugar out of my house. Hubby can eat what he wants, I get dangerous with sugar-laden goodies.

I just plain and simply don’t have the focus to STICK to a damn “program” or “way of life”. Impulse usually wins over “discipline”. Yes, I’ve read all of the “tips, tricks, and hints” out there for “trimming the tummy”, or “whittling the waistline”, or any other cutesy euphemism for trying to feel better about what I see in the mirror. I operate in extremes, and general moderation, in anything, doesn’t work so well for me. I know I feel better when I eat better. I just don’t know how or what the hell to cook on those days that I’m just plain tired, stressed out, and a bowl of cereal and/or ice cream is much more comforting to me as an Autopilot Zombie than putting together a simple salad.

One thing that I WILL be doing today is either running or riding my bike, something I have been absolutely and utterly unable to do because it’s Allergy Season has wrought chaos upon my psyche here in the midwest. It’s especially bad where I am for some reason or another. I’ll be posting about my ALLERGY ALERT: DEFCON 4 soon. My focus today is on food and body. Such naughty words!

I want to tone my body. And just feel good about myself. Some days, I’ve got it. Others, I don’t. It also depends on medication levels, where I am in my menstrual cycle, what I’ve been eating, how I’ve been sleeping, etc. I just want to be healthy. No matter what size I am, I just want to be healthy. I know I’ll likely never be a Super Studdette, like a few of my friends, because creating and maintaining a food and exercise program goes in File 13: Damn Near Fucking Impossible. The key word(s): Damn Near. I also wondered and/or thought it would be impossible to ever post regularly to my blog. I’d assumed that I’d create it, REALLY want to do it, and then get bored with it and never go back to it again. Well, here I am. Why? Because I was inspired. I was inspired by Dooce and The F Word. And so I turned it into a habit on my regular internet prowling. It took awhile since I’d initially created it, but such as life, and such is me.

Maybe I’ve been making the exercise thing too damn hard?

Perhaps it just needs to happen. And automatically. I need to make the habit, and just do it for the sake of doing it. Turn it into second nature. Don’t worry about scheduling a specific time in the day to do it. Don’t worry about turning it into a space shuttle launch. If it’s raining, then run inside on the treadmill. If the allergies are pissing me off, run on the treadmill. That’s what it’s there for. There’s no doubt that it makes me feel better to run. And do so on a regular basis. Perhaps trying to put these huge goals in mind has been part of the problem?? Perhaps I just need to do it, and that’s final. There’s no need to be obsessive about it. I can use a healthier “addiction” anyway, but without the chains and pressure of an Ultimate Goal: To Lose Weight Or Else. The weight will come off. Or the fat will come off. I’m at odds with the scale at this point in my life anyway. Perhaps one of those “body fat scale” contraption thingies would be more useful to me at this point than just an arbitrary number (=TOO MUCH, FATTIE!!). Maybe that would be easier to track? I’m not sure at this point.

One thing is indeed for sure: I spend WAY too much time addicted to fucking around on the internet. Perhaps some of this energy could be used elsewhere.

Maybe I can adjust what Autopilot Zombie thinks and does with some minor tweaking. Autopilot Zombie (AZ) doesn’t care about what she’s eating. Just what’s very easily available. Hence, our need to constantly eat out and whatnot, because I’m too stressed out/busy/unfocused to sit down and cook. Besides, I don’t *want* to cook, because that requires *effort* that I would rather go to other pursuits, like writing, reading, RUNNING, etc. Hmmm…………………….. The next question: What will HE eat that I can eat and/or tweak as well for my vegetarian diet?? All of these are good questions that will require a little bit of thought to answer.

For now, though… Instead of a nap, I’m going to peel my ass off my chair with a spatula and go for a run. The allergies are mild today (it’s only the the point of my teeth itching, so I’m good!), the wind is blowing, and it’s not hellishly hot and humid outside. If I “wait for later”, I won’t go.

So maybe the best time to go is right after work? Then I’ve got the REST of the day to screw around!!! Woot, woot!


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