Vocabulary Vixen

July 27, 2009

I’m getting there…

Filed under: Health and Well-Being — VocabularyV @ 2:22 PM

Bit by bit, I’m picking up the pieces from last week’s meltdown. It was too much stress and not enough medication. I’m trying to work through the gnawing anxiety that I’m feeling, and it’s difficult. I’m fighting it, I’m fighting the intrusive thoughts. Some times, I feel like I’m winning. Others, I feel like I’m totally losing the battle.

I just want to feel good. I just want to be happy with myself and my life, and I just want to be peaceful.

I feel like I’m hanging on the edge, sometimes, and with each meltdown, I’m getting closer and closer to having to either amp-up my treatment, or lose it completely and go get hospitalized. It’s a scary place to be. But, I think I’m putting things in place so that I won’t have to do that. I think I’m gaining ground on this. In fact, I don’t *think* I’m gaining ground, I *know* I’m gaining ground.

I’m doing my best to remain stable, hopeful, and positive. It’s quite difficult, doing this. It’s kind of a gnawing, exhausting fight from one end of my brain to the other. But, y’know? Life is hard. Mental illness makes it harder. But, the disease does not have to be the defining factor in who I am.

Just WHO am I, exactly? Well, I’m working on that. I know I’m talented, smart, and creative. My likes include reading, writing, drawing, and most anything hands-on. My dislikes? Stats and long strings of numbers to stare at and focus on. I am a human being (most days), and I’m getting there!

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