Vocabulary Vixen

June 22, 2014

Today is that day…

Filed under: Mental Health,Parenting,Reflections — VocabularyV @ 12:24 AM

What’s the use of a blog if I don’t post on it with some kind of frequency? Two days in a row? Too good to be true!

Today has been THAT kind of day. THAT kind of day where you just want to lay face down in bed; the kind where you just want to curl into a teeny little ball and find the darkest corner of your closet and cry. When The Child has been screaming on and off for 5 hours straight and you can’t put her down for more than 2 seconds without her screaming, there’s a problem. There is a problem when you can’t figure out what The Child needs. You’ve changed her diaper. She’s fed. You’ve tried to (god help you) put her down for a nap. She napped for 20 minutes twice (typical), and now she NEEDS SOMETHING. What, she is unable to tell you. At this point, you are unable to figure it out. You try everything. You walk with her, rock her, shush her, play music for her, attempt to nurse her (she won’t nurse, only scream). Finally you text your significant other (who is wise and ever-wonderful) with the following: “I am losing my shit.”

Yep. That’s been my day.

Fortunately for me, I’ve got a wonderful and supportive partner that will do everything in his power to come to my aid when I need it. Tonight, I needed it. He came home from work to help soothe The Child. Of course, she settled down almost immediately and started having a good old time now that Daddy was home! I am thankful for the blessings that I have in my life, do not get me wrong. When The Child Who Has Been Screaming All Night For Some Unknown Reason suddenly chills the fuck out in her daddy’s presence, that kind of makes Mommy feel like a complete and utter loser. Yep. I feel like complete shit because I don’t know how to calm my child the way he does. I do wonder if every mom or parent feels this way at some point.

There’s this new-ish term that I’ve heard floating around: “Ugly crying.” It makes perfect sense. Why didn’t we have a term for this before recently? I don’t know. What I DO know is that some “ugly crying” has definitely taken place tonight and my face is puffy, and, well, ugly at the moment. I try very hard to keep in mind that she’s just a baby and not to take it personally. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s hard not to take things personally, especially after she’s been wearing you down the entire night. By the time M got home, I was sobbing uncontrollably with her inconsolably screaming in my arms. I guess that’s ugly crying. The part where you’re making hiccuping sobs and can’t see straight.

How am I ever going to raise this child? I guess I’m gonna do it one step at a time, one foot in front of the other, like I’ve done just about everything else in my life. I hope I can raise this child whilst keeping some shred of sanity¬†dignity¬†something.

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